I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize