In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
