Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
