i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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