I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
