Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So vagazzling was a success
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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