All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
