Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
