He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
