3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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