I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My feet surprised me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
