Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
