I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
