Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
