you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dignity is for republicans.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
