it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
