I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
