If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
