Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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