Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize