I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
