You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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