I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize