Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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