he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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