I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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