The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
