I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
