apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
