Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
