Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
