you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
