Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
