that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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