So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
