My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
