The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
