My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
