What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
