God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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