he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hippo gnu deer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
