You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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