getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
