at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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