I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
