are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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