i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
