You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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