i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
