Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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