....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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