the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
