we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
