when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
