hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
