Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize