I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
nutella sex= disaster
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize