I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
