do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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