and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
