Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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