i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
