You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize