you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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