i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
