You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
