Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize