There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
