Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
