She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
