What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
