Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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