apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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